WEIGHED DOWN BY DEPRESSION

In my experience as a psychotherapist, depression is often a way of protecting oneself from further pain and harm. Depression can be seen as cutting off, hiding, and repressing parts of oneself that are perceived as unacceptable, inadequate, scary, and ugly. What’s left is a void, a barrenness. Symptoms that emerge can be feelings of isolation and loneliness, and a feeling of emptiness. Perhaps someone has experienced bullying or rejection, and the depression finds itself in low self-esteem or low self-worth. Another way depression uncovers itself is through feelings of not belonging. The society we live in has so many “rules” and “norms,” sometimes it feels impossible to meet all of them. We shrink to fit in. We reject our own uniqueness and intuition to feel accepted.

When I work with depression in my therapy practice, I think of the story of La Loba, the Wolf Woman. She scavenges the landscape seeking bones, and when she has completed an entire skeleton, she sings to breathe life back. This parallels the journey of rediscovering the parts that one had to bury to survive, to find and breathe back to life the whole self.

I also look towards Artemis, the wild goddess of the hunt. Depression is often a result of something having been robbed, stolen, or killed within us. Artemis will not be contained, she must run wild and free with her animal sisters and brothers. Depression is a door, a portal into the parts of us that we had to cut off in order to survive. What awaits us when we allow these parts to finally run free through the forest?

CONSUMED BY ANXIETY

Anxiety is a feeling that has many stories, many narratives, and many sensations. Sometimes anxiety feels like the world is going to end or that you’re being caved in. Other times, anxiety can feel like you’re being swept by an uncontrollable vortex, or caught in a vicious whirlpool, unable to catch a breath. And even other times, anxiety can show up as feelings of scarcity, that nothing one does will ever measure up.

This mental overwhelm can cloud decision-making, perceptions of reality, and taking risks. Anxiety can sometimes feel like low self-worth and negative self-esteem, warping one’s self-perception.

Anxiety is ultimately a protective mechanism, a way to manage and cope with challenges and uncertainties in our lives. However, with anything that becomes overused, it can sometimes become the trap, the whirlpool that engulfs everything in its path.

SEXUALITY, KINK, AND PORN: THE PORTALS INTO OUR PSYCHE

We live in a world where sex, kink, and porn live in the outskirts of our society. They are seen as strange, shameful, and even demonic. In response to topics that are considered “bad” or “taboo,” I feel curiosity and a sense of exploration and wonder. What can they say about our desires and needs? How can these topics serve as portals and mirrors into the parts of our psyche we don’t often engage with? How can we nurture and cultivate desire and attraction in ways that are fulfilling and connected? These are questions that arise for me when I consider what porn and kink-friendly therapy could be and how they intersect with our own identity.

I think of Alice in Wonderland, her falling through the hole, and finding herself in a land of complete nonsense. And yet, there she encountered and experienced parts of herself that she wouldn’t have otherwise had she stayed in the overworld. Perhaps pornography and kink are characters manifesting themselves in our journey, showing us parts of ourselves that only exist within these spaces. Sometimes by staying curious of what draws us to pornography or kink, and what they may be trying to show us, we can discover ways of being and understanding that are usually hidden away, tucked in a corner, but brimming with life.